Roses are red, violets are blue…isn’t it time you start loving YOU?
It’s time to love yourself.
Tis the month of February when storefronts turn into brightly colored retail displays of pink and red, and love is “supposedly” in the air. We can’t escape the onslaught of commercials for flowers, chocolates, and lingerie. How does this time of year feel for you? What emotions come up? For some, it’s excitement, joy, and anticipation. For others, it can be dread, sadness, and loneliness.
Whether you are in a relationship, a situationship, or singlehood, love is important. After all, love makes the world go round, right? The idea of love can bring up many complex emotions and feelings no matter what kind of relationship/s you are in. Let’s talk about the most important relationship…the one you have with yourself because let’s get real- you can have a partner and still be very lonely and you can be single and feel very fulfilled- the common denominator is YOU.
How do you show yourself love? Loving yourself can mean treating yourself to those beautiful earrings you have been admiring online, or looking in the mirror and admiring yourself- wrinkles, rolls, and all. It can mean taking time to do the things you love or to just rest and do nothing but let your body recover from life’s daily challenges. Loving yourself can also mean learning to set boundaries with family, friends, and partners so you can stop feeling resentful or taken advantage of.
What if you find it difficult to love yourself? What if you carry shame and are self-critical? What if the toxic relationships you have had in the past- whether with family, peers, or partners- left you with low self-esteem? What if you feel like you don’t deserve the love you give to others? What if you find yourself feeling exhausted from constant people-pleasing to get even a drop of validation? What if your fears and your worries make you feel like you want to be in anyone else’s skin but your own? Let me ask you, how easy or how difficult is it for you to look in the mirror and say the words, “I love you?” For many of my clients, that is really difficult to do. Many of us have deep-rooted feelings of being unlovable or feelings of being inadequate. Our past experiences and relationships contribute to how we view ourselves. We often tell ourselves, consciously or subconsciously, that we are not good enough or not deserving of love and happiness.
I am here to tell you that that is not true and that you can love yourself and feel lovable despite what you’ve experienced in the past. This is often a goal of therapy and when you gift yourself the experience of therapy not only are you investing in your future self, but you are taking the first step toward loving yourself- just the way you are. When you find the right therapist you develop a relationship that is life-changing. Your therapist will hold space for you to heal from your past. You can talk about the things that have brought you shame and pain in a space that is nonjudgemental and with a person who can validate your experiences and your feelings. The right therapist lets you know they care and will also let you know when you are self-sabotaging and getting stuck in the same behavior and thinking patterns that have kept you from loving yourself fully. Therapy is about supporting you, guiding you AND calling you out on your shit, sometimes in a loving and gentle way, or if you prefer, in a direct and no-nonsense way. This is why finding the right therapist for you is so important. Therapists are humans first. We come with our own experiences and our own communication styles. Most of us are in therapy ourselves and have had good and bad experiences with therapy. If you have made the decision to find a therapist, think about what is important to you. Is it important to have a therapist with shared life experiences or of the same culture? Do you want a therapist who identifies as male, female, queer, neurodivergent, etc? Is their area of expertise or specialty most important? Is the type of therapy they use (CBT, DBT, EMDR, psychodynamic, etc) most important? Is their communication style most important? What is their schedule like? These are some good questions to ask yourself when beginning your search. Most therapists will agree to a free consultation to see if they are a good fit for you. Together with your therapist, you will be able to set goals for how you want to feel about yourself and get the tools and support you need to reach those goals. We spend so much money on things we think are going to bring us happiness, so why not invest in your relationship with yourself?
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